Excerpt from Taking My Time To Be Me
By Krystle Marie Pingol
Thirty and single.
This is my current status. Growing up, especially during my teenage years, I can’t remember imagining myself walking down the aisle, not until I reached 25 when I had my second boyfriend. Back then, it occurred to me that by the time I reach 30, I’ll be ready to settle down with this person.
He said he would wait. But after three years, we broke up. I never saw it coming. Like many of us, I have given all the love that I could give without any reservations. I thought that our love was strong enough. I was wrong.
During the breakup phase, I was hired by a new company. New environment, new friends. I decided to focus on work and isolate myself a little bit. At that time, I told myself that I would just do my job and limit the relationships I make with new people.
I asked myself why. Maybe it was because the breakup was so heartbreaking that I didn’t want anyone from work to know what I had been going through. And most importantly, I was at my most vulnerable state.
It was hard enough being in a new environment. At the same time, I was picking up my broken pieces. It shattered me to the point that I didn’t see those attractive men in a romantic way. To a certain extent, I think I became numb. But I was able to survive.
During the moving on phase, I slowly changed. The girl who used to stick to the plan, the girl who used to be so focused, began to live in the moment. I started to do things that I don't normally do. I started trying things I never thought I would even try.
I became spontaneous. I became braver to take new risks. I came to a point when I thought that I should find someone to ease the pain and loneliness. I did find someone but I stopped myself even before I begin to fall.
Photo by Krystle Marie Pingol
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