Excerpt from When The Smoke Clears
By Jacquie Bamba Zamora
Boring. Meh. The sparks flew out of the window! Dull. If that’s how you describe your current relationship, well my dear, these warnings could bring you to a fork road that could either lead you to liberty or a major heartbreak. And liberty can be a good thing.
You wonder why, all of a sudden, your relationship has gone too far from the romantic bliss and settled for total monotony. You begin to feel that you want another taste of excitement, passion, fire. And the result? Double-edged confusion.
Two things begin to confuse you: your decision to be with him or your loyalty to the relationship and to the person. And this is when it gets irritating, when you start to question yourself with this: is it really about him or just you being selfish?
Then things get even messier.
You begin to evaluate your other options. To be more specific, you begin to evaluate or re-evaluate the other men who you think might be the better (or more perfect) fit for you. You start to consider that ex-boyfriend, the one who dumped you because he thinks your attitude sucks. You begin to address the “what ifs?” What if you changed? What if you were more patient? What if he was less of an asshole?
And then your mind goes into overdrive and drives you nuts. In some of your fantasy scenarios, you imagine your ex-suitor, the one who used to shower you with sagutin-mo-na-ako gifts. Then you dump the fantasy like a hot rock because you remember that his subject-verb agreements disagree a lot, in both SMS and handwritten love letters. But you also feel a strange tinge of regret. Maybe you should have given him another chance. Maybe he’s good in math or physics or, at least, in sports.
But wait, there’s more. You also begin to notice your colleague’s painful attempts at flirting, starting with superfluous compliments that are too papansin and pa-cute for you.
Photo by Jacquie Bamba Zamora
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