Excerpt from Untitled. Unfinished.
By Ada de Pedro
I have come to the earth-shattering conclusion that my true love, my prince charming, the love of my life may or may not exist, and that’s okay. I am happily single and a recovering love addict. I am also a former professional relationship doormat, gladly sitting out the game to catch my breath and gain back my bearings.
Back story: I was ALWAYS in a relationship. I was ALWAYS the other half of someone. Somehow, the first time my ovaries shed, it sent a signal to my brain to consciously be in a relationship. It’s like I was playing Dumb Ways to Die but with my heart. Twenty-nine years of existence, 15 years of active dating, 3 official exes (don’t bother with the “unofficials”), a million dates and heartaches later, I look back at my life and wonder who I could have been had I not been someone’s half. What Ada would have evolved had she not been either falling in or falling out of love.
I spent so much time playing second fiddle, playing supportive soccer girlfriend / dramatic jealous girl / Portuguese guy’s Filipina conquest #6 / exotic beach girl #2 etc., when I could have been playing the lead role in my own life story.
I could have been going on my own adventures, learning new hobbies, nurturing relationships with people who really, truly mattered, instead of spending time, money and efforts having futile romantic pursuits that only led to eventual heartache.
I mean, call me Debbie Downer, but after going through what seems like a 15-year epic of a drama hurricane, I feel like putting all your eggs in the love basket can be a losing investment.
Humans are complex beings. Human connections are fleeting. Intense, passionate attraction today could be tumbleweed and regrets tomorrow. How do you know that you won’t regret the decision later on? How do you know you won’t become two totally different people and won’t evolve into each other’s worst enemies?
Photo by Ada De Pedro
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